Resolution is Not a Two Way Street
Romans 12:18 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.
I didn’t know what I was going write about today, but God in His goodness (and sometimes cheekiness) knew and gave this to me on a very personal level. This is my testimony of how the Holy Spirit has been working in me.
God gave me this verse a number of months ago prior to losing a very close relationship with two friends. I loved these friends, as much as I could feel love at that time. Then, a spirit of seperation entered into the situation. Harsh words were spoken and the rift began to grow. Circumstances that followed the beginning of the rift, only served to widen the gap until it felt as though we were sepereated by a giant, uncrossable chasm. I was absolutely bereft. It was during this time that my oldest son left to be a US Marine. As you can imagine, the pain I was experiencing seemed insurmountable. I had just lost my two best friends, and my son. I heaped all of this pain onto them. I became angry on the surface but the real feeling was a deep sense of loss and hurt. I was broken. I felt I had done nothing to cause any of what was going on, and I may not have, but the fact remained that I blamed them for my anguish. This, for the past year, has held a grip on me. I just thought after a while, that it would always be this way. I thought the pain was here to stay.
Then it happened. God reminded me of this verse last week and also told me that I was holding onto unforgiveness and He said, “This is not yours. This is not what I want for you. I have shown you love, it’s your turn.” So, I said to Him, “OK, but I need You to orchestrate the meeting. It has to be done supernaturally because, I am sorry but I just can’t do this on my own.”
I had thought about this on and off since last week but I didn’t seriously consider it until today happened. Upon picking up my youngest son from school I had decided we would go have coffee together. I asked him, “Where do you want to go?” My heart did a flip flop, and I knew God was giving me the opportunity to follow what He wanted me to do when my son answered, “The Cafe'” I knew my old friends would be there. God, was also giving me an out. I could have easily told my son, “No, lets go somewhere else.” But, because of my experience with God, I knew the right thing to do was to honor Him and ask forgiveness for my part, which was the anger, and the hurt I had been holding onto.
I was surprised to say the least, at the reaction I received going into the Cafe’. They welcomed us. We ordered and I chatted with some other people I hadn’t seen in quite some time. During this time, God reminded me that as far as it depends on me, that means, I have no control over what they do or how they respond, but only my part. Before leaving, I asked for forgiveness. Specifically, I said, “Will you forgive me for my hurt and anger”. She turned to me and said, “Yes.” Simple as that. I am really glad that I followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit. God is a God of healing. He can heal relationsips. He can restore burnt bridges. I don’t know if I have truely been forgiven by her or not but I forgive both of them and God is healing me. Whatever happens now, is in God’s hands. It always was, but I had free will. I am glad I chose God’s will over my own. I don’t know if the relationship will be retored or not and that is OK with me because, I know now that as far as my part, I can live at peace. I can explore the fullness of God’s love in my life, and I am learning what it means to live and love unconditionally. Wether or not the love is reciprocated, I know that Jesus is proud of me and I know that I will be OK.