Resolution is Not a Two Way Street

Romans 12:18 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.

I didn’t know what I was going write about today, but God in His goodness (and sometimes cheekiness) knew and gave this to me on a very personal level. This is my testimony of how the Holy Spirit has been working in me.

God gave me this verse a number of months ago prior to losing a very close relationship with two friends. I loved these friends, as much as I could feel love at that time. Then, a spirit of seperation entered into the situation. Harsh words were spoken and the rift began to grow. Circumstances that followed the beginning of the rift, only served to widen the gap until it felt as though we were sepereated by a giant, uncrossable chasm. I was absolutely bereft. It was during this time that my oldest son left to be a US Marine. As you can imagine, the pain I was experiencing seemed insurmountable. I had just lost my two best friends, and my son. I heaped all of this pain onto them. I became angry on the surface but the real feeling was a deep sense of loss and hurt. I was broken. I felt I had done nothing to cause any of what was going on, and I may not have, but the fact remained that I blamed them for my anguish. This, for the past year, has held a grip on me. I just thought after a while, that it would always be this way. I thought the pain was here to stay.

Then it happened. God reminded me of this verse last week and also told me that I was holding onto unforgiveness and He said, “This is not yours. This is not what I want for you. I have shown you love, it’s your turn.” So, I said to Him, “OK, but I need You to orchestrate the meeting. It has to be done supernaturally because, I am sorry but I just can’t do this on my own.”

I had thought about this on and off since last week but I didn’t seriously consider it until today happened. Upon picking up my youngest son from school I had decided we would go have coffee together. I asked him, “Where do you want to go?” My heart did a flip flop, and I knew God was giving me the opportunity to follow what He wanted me to do when my son answered, “The Cafe'” I knew my old friends would be there. God, was also giving me an out. I could have easily told my son, “No, lets go somewhere else.” But, because of my experience with God, I knew the right thing to do was to honor Him and ask forgiveness for my part, which was the anger, and the hurt I had been holding onto.

I was surprised to say the least, at the reaction I received going into the Cafe’. They welcomed us. We ordered and I chatted with some other people I hadn’t seen in quite some time. During this time, God reminded me that as far as it depends on me, that means, I have no control over what they do or how they respond, but only my part. Before leaving, I asked for forgiveness. Specifically, I said, “Will you forgive me for my hurt and anger”. She turned to me and said, “Yes.” Simple as that. I am really glad that I followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit. God is a God of healing. He can heal relationsips. He can restore burnt bridges. I don’t know if I have truely been forgiven by her or not but I forgive both of them and God is healing me. Whatever happens now, is in God’s hands. It always was, but I had free will. I am glad I chose God’s will over my own. I don’t know if the relationship will be retored or not and that is OK with me because, I know now that as far as my part, I can live at peace. I can explore the fullness of God’s love in my life, and I am learning what it means to live and love unconditionally. Wether or not the love is reciprocated, I know that Jesus is proud of me and I know that I will be OK.



A Moment Can Change Everything or Nothing

You never know who your friends are until they know you. I mean, really, know you. Secrets are a dark place. It often takes great effort to keep them, especially if they are secrets of trauma, injustice, or hurt. We all have secrets. It is my fervent prayer that your secrets are only of good things but often that is not the case.

Sometimes those dark secrets bubble up in us until the words, we find, are on our lips seemingly of their own volition. It is so important to reveal these secrets in a safe place; a councelors office, or in the privacy of an intimate relationship, or with those you have confidence in and trust. There is occassion however, when the words come unbidden and you have to place your trust, however fragel, in the hands of those whom the truths of the darkness were revealed. It is at this time, that it is essential to not beat yourself up for speaking out. Whats done is done and there is no drawing back of words once spoken. This is how you will find out who your friends are. Some people will draw away, a natural response to not knowing how to respond. Some people will support you, pray for you, and reguard your words as bravery even if they came as a result of “word puke”. Those, the ones who do not abandon you, are to be called friend.

Healing of those dark places can come from this unintentional spilling, and from finding Jesus in the midst of those secrets. Secrets take on a life of their own within our psyche and our soul. They may start out as a ball of darkness that we just keep swallowing down. Each time we swallow the words, the ball becomes bigger and bigger. It becomes somewhat ravenous to be exposed, and will try to escape at any open oppertunity. However, exposing the secrets can sometimes cause more trauma if not handled in an appropriate manner by someone who knows how to bring Jesus into the situation, who knows how to bring thruth to where the lies are rooted.

In our secrets, the lies of the enemy just keep growing because we have given a foot hold. We may feel revulsion not only at the secret we are keeping but toward ourselves because of lies we believe about ourselves. Let me tell you right now, that anything negative you are feeling about yourself is a lie straight out of the pit of Hell, because God does not see you that way and God is Truth. Jesus can shine light where there was once only darkness. The chains that bind us can be broken and those secrets and lies, once Jesus is involved, can hold no power over us. Our power comes from the Lord Jesus! The word of God says explicitly, in 2nd Tim 1:7 For god has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind. So anything that we feel about ourselves, and our secrets, that is anything but this, is a lie.

Were you hurt? Jesus was there and protected you because you are here reading this now. Were you abandoned? Jesus is there for you, He says, I will never leave you or forsake you. Were you neglected? Jesus is there to make whole what was broken.

No matter what you are going through right now, no matter what secrets you are keeping, Know this. You are the beloved of God. That is how He sees you. He is not looking at what is wrong with you because He only sees you through the eyes of Jesus. His beloved child. He cherishes you more than you ever dreamed possible. We are so loved. We are His beloved.

If you don’t know this loving God of whom I speak, contact me and let me introudce you. It is one thing you will never, ever regret.

Out of my own healing, I love each and every one of you. Be well Beloved, release the darkness and come into the light. There is healing. There is wholeness for I am not a sick person seeking wholeness but a whole person living in freedom.